Friday, January 8, 2010

An Explosive Memory (Journal #20)

New Years Eve is always a joyful moment for me. The aroma from the burning fireworks are always to be expected. My family and I bought ariels and many fireworks to pop on this day. Adrenaline rushing through my veins gives me pure happiness and a perfect mood for fun. Soon as it was 12 'o clock, everyone embraces and hugs each other with love and care, knowing that we have a new spectacular year ahead of us.  In the end we all end up sleeping comfortably in our beds thinking about what this year has in store for the future.
Posted by at

1 comment:

  1. lsueokaJanuary 31, 2010 at 2:30 PM

    Hi Darian,
    Your journal has a good title, "An Explosive Memory." Your paragraph, then, should support this focus. Right now, you explain your feelings before and after 12 midnight, but you don't really "show" what is going on. The paragraph skips from the adrenalin building to everyone happily saying Happy New Year and then going to sleep. You need to "say it, prove it" and "show, not tell."
    assessment score: 2
    mrs s

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)